Moving On...
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I had the good fortune of seeing Rockzilla last week. It's been a little while. Rock is transient, moves from place to place, from job to job and from phone number to phone number. Very hard person to get a hold of to make plans with. The only time I see him recently is when his heavy metal tribute band is playing and I see it advertized.
This show wasn't that great. Not his fault though. He had make up and a wig and a great singing voice. He even came out of a coffin to start things off. Unfortunately, it wasn't the right crowd for his band, and the bar staff cut his set short at the end of the night.
I met Rockzilla at a church, of all places. Odd place to find a prince of darkness mimic. He was a worship leader back then. Husband and father of two. I got to know him in a different church, where again, he was a worship leader. This time though, his marriage and his faith were crumbling.
We started to hang out more when things had fallen apart, just before I was married. His marriage was pretty much over by that point, and he didn't go anywhere for church. We met for beer and got drunk while we talked about God and spiritual experience and our relationships. It was a pretty regular thing for a while. He found his rebound relationship and I lost track of him for a little while. He resurfaced when that ended, just in time for the end of my marriage.
I remember meeting him in Chapters, him explaining his wild nights with the rebound and how it ended, me with the story of my marriage. No beer this time because neither of us could afford it. Chapters closed and we still weren't done, so we went outside and walked around the parking lot while we flipped between God and women.
I was (and still am really) trying to figure out my life after Pentecostalism and Evangelicalism. We were talking about that while we sat on a picnic tabl, watched the stars and the suspicious couple who drove up in separate cars.
I told him I wasn't sure I believed in God anymore, and I wasn't sure how to figure out what to do or how to think about things if God didn't exist. When I had God, and religion, I had a list of priorities and goals, or at least, a way of determining those things. Without God, I felt like I had none.
He asked me how God's existence would change the situation we are in on earth. Based on our previous conversation, I clearly didn't believe in divine punishments or plans, so what was the difference. Either way, wasn't the point just to try and love other people (the Corinthians way)?
He immediately said he wasn't sure what Love really meant anyway, but that somehow when he did what he thought was supposed to be love, then somehow it made him feel better and other people feel better. It helped both people. And without God, it makes our lives more endurable, maybe even enjoyable. And with God, isn't that what He would want anyway?
It seemed simple. It was like the first step out of the mire of chaos for me. I tried to stop obsessing over what I should believe or do, and tried to relax and treat people as fellow human-beings. I decided that was more important than beliefs anyway.
I had the good fortune of seeing Rockzilla last week. It's been a little while. Rock is transient, moves from place to place, from job to job and from phone number to phone number. Very hard person to get a hold of to make plans with. The only time I see him recently is when his heavy metal tribute band is playing and I see it advertized.
This show wasn't that great. Not his fault though. He had make up and a wig and a great singing voice. He even came out of a coffin to start things off. Unfortunately, it wasn't the right crowd for his band, and the bar staff cut his set short at the end of the night.
I met Rockzilla at a church, of all places. Odd place to find a prince of darkness mimic. He was a worship leader back then. Husband and father of two. I got to know him in a different church, where again, he was a worship leader. This time though, his marriage and his faith were crumbling.
We started to hang out more when things had fallen apart, just before I was married. His marriage was pretty much over by that point, and he didn't go anywhere for church. We met for beer and got drunk while we talked about God and spiritual experience and our relationships. It was a pretty regular thing for a while. He found his rebound relationship and I lost track of him for a little while. He resurfaced when that ended, just in time for the end of my marriage.
I remember meeting him in Chapters, him explaining his wild nights with the rebound and how it ended, me with the story of my marriage. No beer this time because neither of us could afford it. Chapters closed and we still weren't done, so we went outside and walked around the parking lot while we flipped between God and women.
I was (and still am really) trying to figure out my life after Pentecostalism and Evangelicalism. We were talking about that while we sat on a picnic tabl, watched the stars and the suspicious couple who drove up in separate cars.
I told him I wasn't sure I believed in God anymore, and I wasn't sure how to figure out what to do or how to think about things if God didn't exist. When I had God, and religion, I had a list of priorities and goals, or at least, a way of determining those things. Without God, I felt like I had none.
He asked me how God's existence would change the situation we are in on earth. Based on our previous conversation, I clearly didn't believe in divine punishments or plans, so what was the difference. Either way, wasn't the point just to try and love other people (the Corinthians way)?
He immediately said he wasn't sure what Love really meant anyway, but that somehow when he did what he thought was supposed to be love, then somehow it made him feel better and other people feel better. It helped both people. And without God, it makes our lives more endurable, maybe even enjoyable. And with God, isn't that what He would want anyway?
It seemed simple. It was like the first step out of the mire of chaos for me. I tried to stop obsessing over what I should believe or do, and tried to relax and treat people as fellow human-beings. I decided that was more important than beliefs anyway.
posted by deadwriter at 9:52 p.m.
1 Comments:
Life after faith is an interesting question...when you have it figured out pass it on. I am in faith limbo.
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