Love is a Verb
I was taught lots of things about love while I was going to church. Most of them were not helpful.
For example: God is Love.
This might have been beneficial if I had a clear understanding of Love or God, but since neither were very clear to me, it didn’t help define anything. It was like saying Nothingness is Infinite. Two concepts that are extremely difficult to understand used to describe each other. Not helpful.
Another one was Love is a verb, as so eloquently described [HERE], by DC Talk.
(For the record, I have never owned a DC Talk record, or enjoyed listening to DC Talk. In fact, my only exposure to DC Talk was through Optimus Prime, who routinely put together a group of boys in the youth group to sing acapella a la boy band during youth conventions and camps and such. Of course, all the girls swooned and I was, as always, jealous).
While “Love is a verb” is trite and essentially meaningless, it is based on something slightly more helpful: I Corinthians 13
Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails; but if there are gifts of prophecy, they will be done away; if there are tongues, they will cease; if there is knowledge, it will be done away.
That was read at my wedding…
I believe that this describes the way people should treat other people. And that essentially means I believe we should love everybody.
Now before you go around passing out flowers to everybody you see and singing the Beatles, the KJV has a different translation of the word “love” in that passage. There it reads “charity”. Someone who knows about biblical translation will have to help me out, but I think there are all kinds of different words for love in the Greek language, and this is just one of them.
So how do I describe the difference in my relationship to my family, or a woman I really like (aw, shucks)?
My dad’s favourite cliché is that Love is a choice. When you love someone, you simply choose to treat them the way the Bible describes in Corinthians, and the difference, I suppose, is how hard you try and the commitment you have to each person.
A very firm, very clear definition. When I am kind to someone, I love them. The more I love them, the more I am kind to them, and the more commitment to being kind to that person I can express. And so on.
But that all seems too cold, too cut and dry as a definition for Love.
To me, Love seems like a mysterious thing that seems to overwhelm you without completely revealing itself, leaving you wondering if it even actually exists.
For example: God is Love.
This might have been beneficial if I had a clear understanding of Love or God, but since neither were very clear to me, it didn’t help define anything. It was like saying Nothingness is Infinite. Two concepts that are extremely difficult to understand used to describe each other. Not helpful.
Another one was Love is a verb, as so eloquently described [HERE], by DC Talk.
(For the record, I have never owned a DC Talk record, or enjoyed listening to DC Talk. In fact, my only exposure to DC Talk was through Optimus Prime, who routinely put together a group of boys in the youth group to sing acapella a la boy band during youth conventions and camps and such. Of course, all the girls swooned and I was, as always, jealous).
While “Love is a verb” is trite and essentially meaningless, it is based on something slightly more helpful: I Corinthians 13
Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails; but if there are gifts of prophecy, they will be done away; if there are tongues, they will cease; if there is knowledge, it will be done away.
That was read at my wedding…
I believe that this describes the way people should treat other people. And that essentially means I believe we should love everybody.
Now before you go around passing out flowers to everybody you see and singing the Beatles, the KJV has a different translation of the word “love” in that passage. There it reads “charity”. Someone who knows about biblical translation will have to help me out, but I think there are all kinds of different words for love in the Greek language, and this is just one of them.
So how do I describe the difference in my relationship to my family, or a woman I really like (aw, shucks)?
My dad’s favourite cliché is that Love is a choice. When you love someone, you simply choose to treat them the way the Bible describes in Corinthians, and the difference, I suppose, is how hard you try and the commitment you have to each person.
A very firm, very clear definition. When I am kind to someone, I love them. The more I love them, the more I am kind to them, and the more commitment to being kind to that person I can express. And so on.
But that all seems too cold, too cut and dry as a definition for Love.
To me, Love seems like a mysterious thing that seems to overwhelm you without completely revealing itself, leaving you wondering if it even actually exists.
posted by deadwriter at 8:57 p.m.
12 Comments:
Hey
don't really have much to say in response, except that i think love is some of what dad said to... in a marriage anyway. there are somedays where there is no overwhelming feeling and in fact underwhelming and maybe even genuinely irritating. this may even go on for extended periods. anyway, at that point i think love is a choice, because even though you can't feel it then, those feelings are still somewhere and they come back and if you left them you would be sorry forever. just like i think she'll be. the difference between you an her is that she chose to leave them and you didn't chose. thats why you will or did get over it. anyway, enough with the personal stuff (feel free to delete things that are too personal)
anyway, i'm off on vaca, hope you and minako have a good time in the big city, sorry we couldn't join you. call me when you get back.
I agree with Anonymous (why doesn't he have a blog-name?) that there is truth to the "love is a choice" thing. Wilma chose not to love you, just like Christopher Robin chose not to love me, but we weren't married, so it wasn't a big deal. But yeah, it's not really a choice in the begninning. I mean, I don't think that we can choose to love just anybody, but once we've made a connection with someone there are times when it becomes a choice.
It's interesting that the King James uses charity in 1Corinthians 13. I think of charity as a word for "love in action." Perhaps that's where we got the cliche that love is verb.
I can see what you are saying about the choice thing anony and Agate. Funny thing is that's what Wilma always used to say too...
I guess I just think of breaking what people call "Love" down into smaller parts using other words. For example, the choice part is comitment. The action part is charity or compassion. Still waiting for the Greek expert to step up with some of the other greek words for Love (I may have to find out for myself).
I guess my point is that, even after I separate out all the clear and defined things Love is, it still doesn't adequately describe Love as I think of it. At least not the action and choice parts.
And someone could easily argue that those are merely syptoms of Love, rather than Love itself.
More to come on this.
Deadwriter
PS. No worries about the personal stuff anony. I have no problem exposing myself, and Wilma has been by once or twice. If she has a problem, she can speak for herself.
PSS. Anony doesn't have a blogger name because he doesn't have his own blog.
PSSS.
The song wasn't working. It was playing "Hallelujah" instead. I fixed it so you can listen to the musical genius of DC Talk now...
This is going to sound retarded but I have this, perhaps irrational, fear that Love is something in my head and is a product of my socialization; that it isn't anything grand or real at all. It would be nice if it was simply the action of being kind to someone else...but in that case I love nearly everyone. I sense it is stronger than that. It is all so confusing.
There are four Greek words for love:
Eros -- This is the word used for sensual or physical love. Eros was the Greek god of love. (This word does not appear in the New Testament.)
Stergo -- This word means to feel affection, especially the affection between parents and children. It is also used of the affection of a people for their king or a dog for his master.
Philo -- This is the general word for love and affection. It is used for attraction of people to one another without regard for family relationships, such as the love of a friend or brother, 2 Pet 2:17. It is frequently used in compound forms and, as such, may be used for attraction to inanimate objects -- philosophia -- the love of knowledge, Col 2:8.
Agape (noun) and agapao (verb) -- This is the word of Godly love. This special significance really comes in the New Testament period. Agape is not found in secular literature, at least to any great extent, during the biblical period.
I've never read it, but I hear good things about "The Four Loves" by C.S. Lewis.
Do you make a distiction between "to love" and "to be in love"?
I love my parents, but I'm not in love with them. Ew.
it would appear that you have told your friends and family that i left you.
funny. you left out the part that i was willing to work at the relationship for another year. i was willing to have you move out here in january and i would commit to one more year... i believed that love is a choice, and i was willing to choose to work for another year...
you don't tell people that you told me that you wanted nothing to do with me anymore, or that you sent me several emails last fall telling me to fuck off and not to write you anymore.
if you're going to be posting personal stuff, try to post the truth.... you don't have to post all the details, but don't make it sound like i'm the one who cut the cord. i had to move away to school... i wanted a bit of time alone to get things right with myself... i was willing to give the marriage another go if you were, and you told me that you thought i was "fucking crazy" and you didn't want to move out to vancouver with me "in january or ever".... you refused to talk on the phone with me or to even dialogue by email. the only email replies i got from you were emails telling me that you wanted nothing to do with me and that you never wanted to hear from me again.
i have all of those emails saved.
you're the one who cut me off.
try not to forget that.
wilma
Wilma,
While you are welcome to comment and offer your perspective on anything you see here, I figure this isn't the forum for us to argue about what happened and what didn't. So, if you want me to respond directly to what you are saying, send me an e-mail and I'll do my best.
In the meantime, I will say that is certainly not how I percieved things. You can feel free to post whatever comments you want on my blog, but I'm going to hold back and respond via e-mail.
Deadwriter
Deadwriter: I meant why doesn't he have a pseudonym on your blog? Wilma doesn't have a blog either, but she can sign her name "Wilma" because you've given her a name for the purposes of this blog.
Wilma: It's so fun when we hear from you like that. It opens you up to public response though. You've disappeared from my life altogether, but here you are for me to stick my nose into your business if I so choose. Most of us reading this blog only know one side of the story, it's true, but what you just presented doesn't make a lot of sense. You were both going out to BC, and then you told him not to follow. I believe you also told him lots of other hurtful things. From what I saw, Deadwriter spent the summer grieving his relationship with you, and trying to improve. He went to therepy, for example. You didn't appreciate his efforts, you lied to him about some boy, you told him you married him because you thought you had to, and you blamed all your maritial problems by him. How did you expect him to react to all that? Is he supposed to take that sort of emotional abuse, wait four months alone here, then move to BC in January where you might give him more of the same? He was a wreck this past fall, and I think he shut down communications with you because he couldn't take any more. Even "I'm fine, how are you?" was too hurtful from you. No, Wilma, you left him. You broke his heart and then you left him in a heap here in Halifax. I know it was a hard year for you too, and I hope you are doing better now, but if you think you're the victim in this story, you're deluding yourself.
deadwriter:
i agree wholeheartedly that this is not the place for us to be arguing. you did tell anony that wilma was welcome to post if she had a problem with something... so i took you at your word.
i only posted because aspects of my personal life are appearing on the internet, in public, being told from only one point of view.
no matter which one of us describes the situation it will obviously be biased. i understand your desire to deal with things in this confessional format, i only ask that you respect my privacy. you asked me when i left halifax not to discuss private elements of our relationship with people here and to keep our relationship out of my art work. i have respected that. i only ask that you respect my right to privacy in return as well (this is mostly in regards to the early more graphic posts about me).
you say that my description of events is not how you percieved them. i'm sure we both have different views of what happened. i would be more than happy to discuss this via email or telephone if you are willing.
agate:
i appreciate your concern for deadwriter. i am not trying to paint either of us as a victim or as a villain. please try to remember that you only have one side of the story. many hurtful things were said by both people, and effort was made by both people. what i posted may not have made sense to you, but much of what deadwriter has posted did not make sense to me. i am not going to elaborate on details that i think were grossly misrepresented because i don't care to air this sort of thing in public. if you want to ask me in person you may, but i don't want to get into "he-said/she-said" situations with mutual friends.
obviously deadwriter, you need to talk about this stuff with friends and family, just as i do... and obviously we both have biased views of what happened... memory is always a mixture of fact and fiction no matter who is remembering it....
all i ask is that you please respect my right to privacy. it's one thing to talk about someone else to a friend or family member, or to write a confessional journal that is private... it is quite another thing to post such intimate details in a public format... i am respecting your right to privacy... i only ask the same in return.
for any one else who is reading this,
please, i am not trying to make this messy, i am not trying to paint deadwriter as a villain or myself as a victim.... i'm not pointing blame to anyone.... and i'm not trying to take blame off anyone.
i just don't want to be reading about very personal information about myself in a public forum told from a biased point of view.
that's all i will post.
respectfully,
wilma
Way to back-pedal.
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