Blasphemous Meditations on the Cross
I went to church on Good Friday. Sat through the Anglican version of the meditations of the cross and left before the service was over. I found the catholic version and rewrote it to reflect my experience.
Guys, guys, what did I do to piss you off? Answer me! I mean, for Christ’s sake, I rescued you from slavery in Egypt and gave you freedom, and what did you do? You freakin nailed me to a cross!
Jeez, you really are a great guy, who has done a lot of great things. I’m really sorry all that happened to you.
You know, after Egypt, I led you around for Forty years protecting you and stuff. I gave you stuff to eat, gave you a nice piece of land, but you still nailed me to a freakin’ cross.
Like I said, I’m really sorry that happened to you, but, well, I wasn’t going to say anything before, but, I wasn’t really around back then when you were rescuing people from Egypt and leading them around a desert. I also wasn’t around when they nailed you to a cross either. I’m not even related to those guys. You know, just so you are aware. I know I don’t do the right things, but, you know, seems like you should be talking to somebody else about this stuff. Don’t get me wrong, you are a really great guy.
What more do you want from me? It’s like, I planted you in a vineyard and you gave me sour grapes and vinegar to drink. And then, after that, you stuck a huge spear in my side.
What more do I want? How about some evidence you are actually there? How about some clear direction about what you want and all that? I mean, Christ, you don’t really think the Bible counts do you? After all that has been through? And how people use it? I mean, come on. Is it any surprise some of us have a little sour grapes? Most of us don’t believe you planted anything, and some of us who do are a little pissed off that your sort of let things go. I mean, isn’t part of gardening taking care of things around the plants? Maybe you should think about what you did that gave you sour grapes and vinegar, hmmm?
I took the people that were your captors and kicked their ass. I mean, I killed all their first born sons, and instead of thanking me, you bring that ass whoopin and put it on me. I mean, I drowned them when they were chasing you, but I made sure that the water was open for you to get across. And as thanks, you cut me open all along the side with a spear. I mean, imagine that, a big freaking spear cutting your side open while you are on a goddamn cross. What in the hell did I do to deserve this.
Look, it was a terrible thing, no question, but as I said before, I wasn’t around. I had nothing to do with it. In fact, if you believe all that shit in the Bible and stuff, you did all this to yourself. Don’t go blaming me. This is your shit. I wasn’t there. I have never been to Egypt or Jerusalem. I live in Canada. So go talk to some people who have been dead for a while. Maybe they have some answers.
I led you around and kept you safe. I mean, I manifested myself as fire and clouds to lead you around. Remember that? But you led me to court to be sentenced to death. I mean, come on, do I deserve that?
Ok, I remember the whole fires and clouds thing. I remember looking at stuff and thinking that I felt you. But it’s not like that was clear at all. Do you think I knew where to go because I stared into a camp fire or a candle? Do you think that I knew what to do because I stared up at the clouds? Do you think I felt safe? Besides, what have I done really? I didn’t do any of the stuff you are talking about.
When you were out there, in the desert, I gave you stuff to eat, and water to drink. But you, well, you gave me that sour wine. And then I made sure there was a way for you to go, and you put a crown of thorns on my head. I mean, I gave you all the power you needed and you stripped away everything I had.
What? Ok, really, fuck you. You have some serious fucking problems. Are you even listening to the things I am saying? Are you going to respond at all? Do you even realize how ridiculous you sound? You gave me power? I don’t feel like I have a whole lot of power. But the worst, I stripped away what you had? How is that even possible? Fuck this, I’m leaving.
Guys, guys, what did I do to piss you off? Answer me! I mean, for Christ’s sake, I rescued you from slavery in Egypt and gave you freedom, and what did you do? You freakin nailed me to a cross!
Jeez, you really are a great guy, who has done a lot of great things. I’m really sorry all that happened to you.
You know, after Egypt, I led you around for Forty years protecting you and stuff. I gave you stuff to eat, gave you a nice piece of land, but you still nailed me to a freakin’ cross.
Like I said, I’m really sorry that happened to you, but, well, I wasn’t going to say anything before, but, I wasn’t really around back then when you were rescuing people from Egypt and leading them around a desert. I also wasn’t around when they nailed you to a cross either. I’m not even related to those guys. You know, just so you are aware. I know I don’t do the right things, but, you know, seems like you should be talking to somebody else about this stuff. Don’t get me wrong, you are a really great guy.
What more do you want from me? It’s like, I planted you in a vineyard and you gave me sour grapes and vinegar to drink. And then, after that, you stuck a huge spear in my side.
What more do I want? How about some evidence you are actually there? How about some clear direction about what you want and all that? I mean, Christ, you don’t really think the Bible counts do you? After all that has been through? And how people use it? I mean, come on. Is it any surprise some of us have a little sour grapes? Most of us don’t believe you planted anything, and some of us who do are a little pissed off that your sort of let things go. I mean, isn’t part of gardening taking care of things around the plants? Maybe you should think about what you did that gave you sour grapes and vinegar, hmmm?
I took the people that were your captors and kicked their ass. I mean, I killed all their first born sons, and instead of thanking me, you bring that ass whoopin and put it on me. I mean, I drowned them when they were chasing you, but I made sure that the water was open for you to get across. And as thanks, you cut me open all along the side with a spear. I mean, imagine that, a big freaking spear cutting your side open while you are on a goddamn cross. What in the hell did I do to deserve this.
Look, it was a terrible thing, no question, but as I said before, I wasn’t around. I had nothing to do with it. In fact, if you believe all that shit in the Bible and stuff, you did all this to yourself. Don’t go blaming me. This is your shit. I wasn’t there. I have never been to Egypt or Jerusalem. I live in Canada. So go talk to some people who have been dead for a while. Maybe they have some answers.
I led you around and kept you safe. I mean, I manifested myself as fire and clouds to lead you around. Remember that? But you led me to court to be sentenced to death. I mean, come on, do I deserve that?
Ok, I remember the whole fires and clouds thing. I remember looking at stuff and thinking that I felt you. But it’s not like that was clear at all. Do you think I knew where to go because I stared into a camp fire or a candle? Do you think that I knew what to do because I stared up at the clouds? Do you think I felt safe? Besides, what have I done really? I didn’t do any of the stuff you are talking about.
When you were out there, in the desert, I gave you stuff to eat, and water to drink. But you, well, you gave me that sour wine. And then I made sure there was a way for you to go, and you put a crown of thorns on my head. I mean, I gave you all the power you needed and you stripped away everything I had.
What? Ok, really, fuck you. You have some serious fucking problems. Are you even listening to the things I am saying? Are you going to respond at all? Do you even realize how ridiculous you sound? You gave me power? I don’t feel like I have a whole lot of power. But the worst, I stripped away what you had? How is that even possible? Fuck this, I’m leaving.
posted by deadwriter at 3:48 p.m.
1 Comments:
Hey, I'm sorry I took so long to comment on this, but then, hey, you took two months to post anything....
Anyway, I feel your frustration with this service. Your response is interesting though. You wrote this like a dialogue between you and God. When you were in the church, was your displeasure really directed at God, or did you just write it that way for the benefit of the blog? Reading your version of God's part of the dialogue, I was more annoyed with whoever wrote the original version than with God. That doesn't sound like God to me. I've never been able to relate to the parts of the Bible where God is whining at his people for not listening to him. My mom told me that God loved us, and I bought that concept with absolute conviction as a kid. I can't shake it even now. I can't picture God complaining that much. (and why would he complain, when he MADE us the way we were?)I can only picture him saying, "Hey, it's you! Thanks for coming! Here, let me take all that stress you're carrying so I can make you feel better. Yeah, I died for you on the cross, and it hurt, and I'd do it again if you needed it, because I want you to know me and have all the good things I have to offer." I also don't understand why the author of the thing focused on the Exodus so much. That was a pivitol part ot the Jewish faith, and it was a huge example of God's love for the Isrealites, but we're not Isrealites. Even if we were, the theme of "I did all this for you and hundreds and hundreds of years later you nailed me to a cross, and what sort of thanks is that?" doesn't really suit my idea of Good Friday. Why did the author of this meditation choose that? Jesus did not spend his ministry trying to make us feel guilty. He was all about expressing and experiencing God's love and joy and peace in life. I don't blame you for leaving the service, but I don't think it has anything to do with God, just some author's messed up idea of God. But it does leave us with something to be resentful at God about: the lack of clarity about him, thanks to a bible that can be so easily misunderstood, misrepresented, and misused.
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