The Six Virtues of Wilma
1. She was very driven. I know this is related to some of her vices, but it was a positive thing sometimes. When she decided to do something, she did it, and got it done. And she decided to do a lot of things, and so she got a lot done. Everything from a film, to a dance show, to home improvement, to a Soiree. If she faltered along the way to her goal, it was only part of the process. She always got it done.
2. She was resourceful. Her projects couldn’t always be realized with what she had, so she tweaked her projects until they fit the material she had. And as often as that happened, she just started off with a little of this and a little of that, and somehow found a way to bring it all together into some amazing works of art.
3. She tried to be honest. I have to qualify it with “tried” because I think she lied to herself often, and then passed those lies onto other people, convincing herself it was the truth. But she rarely, consciously lied to people. Even if it would be detrimental to her in some way, or cause a fuss, in my mind, unnecessarily, she would tell the truth and be forthcoming with it. She only lied to me once that I can remember. It was a biggy, and it was near the end, but up to that point, she always tried to tell the truth as she saw it.
4. She could talk to anybody about anything. She wasn’t afraid of people. Or rather, she wasn’t afraid of approaching people and talking to them, introducing herself and making friends. She continually amazed me with her ability to make somebody intrigued and interested by simply talking to them. No subtle games to pique their interest. Just openness.
5. She really cared about her family. She constantly worried about her brother, who was often reckless and injured himself more than once; who seemed emotionally stifled and unable to relate to people; who had somehow fallen in with a bunch of guys she thought were below him. She desperately wanted to connect with her Dad and made an effort to ask him about things she didn’t care about so much just to talk to him. She went to her grandparents house and listened to them talk, even though the stench of smoke hanging in the air choked her up, and the conversation was fairly dull. She took her nieces out to do fun things every chance she could.. etc.
6. She had faith. It was a mangled, partly neglected faith, but it was strong. She tried to get rid of it, apparently, to please me. She tried not to believe in atonement, tried to imagine a world where there was no cosmic punishment for sin, but couldn’t do it. So finally, she just accepted that she believed Jesus died to pay the price for the sins of humanity. She thought I was disappointed or looked down on her for that. If she only realized how much I respected her for it. I tried to tell her, but she didn’t believe me.
2. She was resourceful. Her projects couldn’t always be realized with what she had, so she tweaked her projects until they fit the material she had. And as often as that happened, she just started off with a little of this and a little of that, and somehow found a way to bring it all together into some amazing works of art.
3. She tried to be honest. I have to qualify it with “tried” because I think she lied to herself often, and then passed those lies onto other people, convincing herself it was the truth. But she rarely, consciously lied to people. Even if it would be detrimental to her in some way, or cause a fuss, in my mind, unnecessarily, she would tell the truth and be forthcoming with it. She only lied to me once that I can remember. It was a biggy, and it was near the end, but up to that point, she always tried to tell the truth as she saw it.
4. She could talk to anybody about anything. She wasn’t afraid of people. Or rather, she wasn’t afraid of approaching people and talking to them, introducing herself and making friends. She continually amazed me with her ability to make somebody intrigued and interested by simply talking to them. No subtle games to pique their interest. Just openness.
5. She really cared about her family. She constantly worried about her brother, who was often reckless and injured himself more than once; who seemed emotionally stifled and unable to relate to people; who had somehow fallen in with a bunch of guys she thought were below him. She desperately wanted to connect with her Dad and made an effort to ask him about things she didn’t care about so much just to talk to him. She went to her grandparents house and listened to them talk, even though the stench of smoke hanging in the air choked her up, and the conversation was fairly dull. She took her nieces out to do fun things every chance she could.. etc.
6. She had faith. It was a mangled, partly neglected faith, but it was strong. She tried to get rid of it, apparently, to please me. She tried not to believe in atonement, tried to imagine a world where there was no cosmic punishment for sin, but couldn’t do it. So finally, she just accepted that she believed Jesus died to pay the price for the sins of humanity. She thought I was disappointed or looked down on her for that. If she only realized how much I respected her for it. I tried to tell her, but she didn’t believe me.
posted by deadwriter at 7:16 a.m.
4 Comments:
It would be nice if she could somehow stumble upon this list of virtues. Without later interacting with you in any way. She has probably convinced herself that you didn't see or appreciate any of that.
Do you think that you found only six virtues on purpose? That you needed her to have less virtues than vices? Just wondering.
I had to think hard to find each one, and decided to stop after six, yes, because it is one less than the vices. I probably could have found more virtues and vices, but these are the big ones.
deadwriter
i did read the virtues. very nice. very touching. thank you. i'm sorry it was so hard for you to think of them. i also read the vices. hurtful... but insightful.
i don't know what to think about this or how to respond... should i be angry? sad? i'm shocked really. you've posted some incredibly personal intimate details about our relationship and about me, on the web where any one can read them.... yes you've changed my name (bizarre choice)... but anyone who knows you or i will know that it's me.... i don't know if i'm comfortable with your friends and some strangers reading about my vagina and my mental/emotional vices and shortcomings....
i'm also surprised that you wrote this only a few days ago.... but mostly surprised that your posting this sort of thing on the web.... i really, really don't know what to think.
if this is what you need to do, then i think it's good.... but i still feel a little squeemish knowing that this sort of info about me is out there.
i am very glad that you're writing again though. the writing is really nice. it's been a long time since i've read any of your writing. do keep on writing.
but i just don't know how i feel about you writing so explicitly about me.... i just don't know what to think about this.
wilma
My intention was not to embarrass you.
The purpose of my blog is both self-therapy (dealing with stuff through writing) and professional development (practicing my creative non-fiction). And since I secretly want a readership for anything I write (no matter how much I downplay it) I do this in the form of a blog.
It shouldn’t be that surprising that, in this kind of confessional format, particular details about our relationship would come up. The whole thing isn’t about us, or you, and I don’t try to present myself as a hero (I wrote about pissing my pants in Jr. High for Godssake). In fact, I was planning on posting a few stand alones this week, and starting a new series on Monday that has nothing directly to do with you. Still, the events of our relationship have had a profound impact on me, and I felt that it should be included in my blog.
If it makes you feel more comfortable, I can remove the link to the blog from my MSN profile until the Vices and Virtues are buried deep in the archive.
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