Tuesday, January 18, 2005

The End of the Trixie Story

(As a made for tv movie after the series was cut short due to viewer outrage)

Maybe I over think things.

In the beginning of December, I went out to lunch with Trixie and Speed. Trixie was ribbing Speed about whether or not he was seeing anybody, and when he last went out on a date. Then she turned to me.

But I said, you first.

She declined at first, but later, when we were on the desk together, she let a few details slip. She was still seeing the guy she was seeing before, although now the possibility of it developing into something serious/exclusive had dissipated, so she also had others on the table. Or at least that’s what she lead me to believe. She’s very good at saying just enough to make you wonder, but not enough to make you sure of anything.

Then it was my turn, so I told her I had a date just the night before. I wasn’t too forth coming on details (she, of course, wanted locker room talk, and I didn’t give her any).

See, I wanted to tell someone about Minako. I wasn’t talking to very many people. Speed wasn’t really an option, although he knew. I dragged my feet telling my brother, and Optimus Prime is always fighting the Decepticons or looking after his kids, and Pooh Bear was far away (EDIT: or maybe I was afraid of what she would think about me seeing someone new so soon). And I wanted to tell someone. I thought things were going well. I was happy. So when Trixie displayed some indication of being friendly again, I let little bits and pieces out.

Later in the month, at the work Christmas party, I took Trixie out for a smoke. She asked me if I thought Rabbit was attractive. It was the third time Trixie had asked me about this girl, about whether I thought she was attractive or whatever, so I asked her if there was some reason she was asking me about Rabbit. She said no, no, and then said, if she knew something she would let me know right away, if it was 4:00 am, she would call me up and let me know.

And that was my chance.

I said, I wasn’t sure if she would. I wasn’t sure if she would do that kind of thing anymore, or even call me at all.

I hope it sounded less guilt trippy than that.

Anyway, she said that I wasn’t the first person to feel that way with her lately. She explained that she’d been going through a lot lately, turning 30 and all, plus some other shit she didn’t want to get into, and she didn’t want to burden anybody with it. I assured her it wouldn’t be a burden, but she said she wanted to leave it at home, she didn’t want to come to work and have somebody there who knew about it.

We hugged and made up.

Still not as close. I think that is over. I think she wants to leave me as the work friend she hangs out with occasionally, and I’m fine with that. At least I feel like there’s not this open ended “what-the-fuck?” hanging between us now.

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